The Driving Insane

I haven't worked in forever, but today I'm filling in at one of the "interesting" branches. We've been open 11 minutes and a guy just walked in with a genuine hobo-bag-on-a-stick. Wow. I miss this.

college student: I think I left my disk here. Can you look? It's called "Loaner".
me: [insert eye-rolling emoticon here]

Hey ya'll! I'm back! No more pregnant belly to invite unwanted advice, comments, and observations from the crazies. Now I have the huge lactating boobs to attract attention. Oh well. At least people don't feel like it's acceptable to comment on that. (Yet.)

My first day back we had to call the police because some guy threw another guy and his bike into the pond and then ran away really fast. yah, I'm not sure what that was about.

My subsequent working days have been spent at a brand new branch in a low-key suburban community where the kids actually say "please" and "no thank you". It's refreshing, but it also means I don't have as many stories. It's a trade off, I guess. The commute is shorter too, so I like that.

In honor of my return, I have created a gallery of @ the library themed products over on Zazzle.com. Click on the link at the right to browse. Buy something to reward yourself after a hard day dealing with the crazies or to make a co-worker laugh (assuming you have co-workers who know how to laugh.)

so I have have to send you this before I forget. I was just helping [the Conspiracy Theorist] schedule a computer. He was in a super bad mood and was all disgruntled over something and saying stuff under his breath. I didn't ask what his deal was and just kept scheduling a computer for him. And of course he had a stack of papers with him. He had placed them on counter and at one point hit them with his fist and said "I had just found the Holy Grail and he TOOK it away from me!" I was trying so hard not to laugh at him. Damn, I wonder who has the Grail now. I hope it hasn't fallen into the wrong hands!


From my library liason keeping me updated and entertained while I'm gone.

Labels: holy grail, library

Question just asked "you don't have computers here with The Google on it do you?"


From my library liason keeping me updated and entertained while I'm gone.

Labels: computers, google, library

Some crazy lady just came to the desk to tell us that "the toilet paper you have in the restroom is, quite frankly, just torturous".

another email half an hour later:

so she filled out a "speak out" form and said "please have a heart and get some new toilet paper. I have sore female parts after using it."

From my library liason keeping me updated and entertained while I'm gone.

This lady came up to the desk just now and wanted to ask me a tax question. Here was her lead in..."My glasses aren't working right now, blah, blah, blah tax question.."



From my library liason keeping me updated and entertained while I'm gone.

Well folks, I just wanted to let you know that I probably won't have anything to post here for awhile unless a good story comes via my coworkers. I'm taking off an unspecified amount of time from work because I have a baby on the way. I'm very relieved not to be there right now. The crazy people just have no sense of proper boundaries and had become increasingly intrusive in their questions about my pregnancy.

The worst are the creapy middle-aged guys. They absolutely do not know when to stop. One guy would not leave me alone. In an attempt to justify his noseyness he said "I know how exciting it is. I'm an uncle." Yah, right dude. That makes it ALL better. Eww.

Then there was the lady who called me "Big Mama." Thanks.

And the other lady who kept yelling questions across the lobby at me while I was trying to help another customer. "You didn't tell me you were having a baby!!" I didn't know I was supposed to tell you, weirdo. (I only remember having one prior conversation with that woman and it was about the copy machine.) Then a few months later she accosted me again. She said "Do you know if you're having a baby?" Before I could unleash the sarcasm she corrected herself: "I mean 'boy or girl'?" Gah.

Anyway. At least I won't have to take the baby in there to have him/her subjected to who knows what. I hear the intrusions only get worse once there is an actual little person to touch and cough on and offer unsolicited advice about.

This post sounds really grumpy. Oh well. I'm just happy to be home for now.

A pre-teen girl asked if she could call her mom to get a ride home. I said she could use our phone for that purpose, but we dial. She launched into some convoluted explanation about how her mom doesn't answer her phone if she doesn't know who is calling, so we would have to call her three times in a row before she would answer. Can anyone say "paranoia"?

You know, if you drop your kid off at the library with no cell phone or pre-arranged meeting time, why would you make it exceptionally difficult for them to contact you? I do not understand people. Then again, I can't imagine leaving my pre-teen kid alone at the library, but people do it all the time.

P.S. I have the phone number written down since I had to keep dialing it. I should start a mass calling spree of people all over the country calling the paranoid lady three times in a row. Now THAT would be funny. (but oh, so wrong, of course. No, I'm not actually going to tell you the number.)

This guy identifies the Library Seven Dwarfs: Homeless, Sleezy, Sleepy, Druggie, Drunky, Creepy and Perv.



And is this one supposed to be cool? What's with the librarian casting flirtatious glances at the very young and very old men between the stacks? It looks more like the average male library patron's dreams than reality. Any female who has worked in a library for any length of time knows better than to make that sort of eye contact.

Yesterday a lady knocked on the staff room door to tell a coworker that there was a man in the women's restroom smoking pot. My coworker went in there and asked the person (who was in a stall) if they were smoking (No.) Then she said, "Are you a man?" (yes.) She asked him why he was in the women's restroom and he told her he needed to use the toilet really fast and the men's room was occupied.

Oh, and he *was* smoking pot. That much was clearly evident by the scent. My coworker went to get a manager and the perp escaped, so we weren't able to put a face with the smell.

Already this week:

Caught the graffitti vandals in the men's restroom
I was addressed by a patron as "Big Mama"
I was kissed by a regular (yikes)
Was notified that there was an orange-ish bodily substance all over the walls, floor, and toilet in the men's restroom (the maintenance guy cleaned that one up, bless his heart)
Was notified that someone had puked up rice on the carpet (how do you clean vomit off of carpet?)

Some other weird stuff has happened that I can't remember at the moment. I just want to go home.

In the first hour we have been visited by:
Dracula
Thomas the Tank Engine
Giraffe and Lion twin girls
A Hippie
Tiny black cat
a very large preschool class of cartoon characters
a homeless lady --oh wait, not a costume
Snow White
pink fairy
preschool pirate
um...Mr. Clean?? (Kid with normal clothes, whiney attitude and blue latex cleaning gloves)
Small purple dinosaur
Napoleon Dynamite (minus the fro)
Spider Man
a developmentally challenged pimp/jazz musician (I couldn't tell)

I have also been kissed by one of the regulars who comes with his special class. I didn't see that coming. Yikes.