Quote from an annoying 14 year old who enjoys displaying her vast reserves of knowledge at every turn:
"I tried to read manga before but they misspelled "alright" and my grammatical sensibilities were just too offended."

She decided to try again in the spirit of broadening her knowledge. Wow. How impressively magnanimous. ...hope I spelled that right.


We had a crazy day at work. We were short handed in three departments which meant we had to run around all night trying to keep things going. I also had some good reference questions presented to me.

A lady called on the phone and said she was having trouble with a word. "I think it's pronounced 'jondra' but I can't figure out how it's spelled. I have looked under every spelling I can think of...'j-a-n-d...,' 'j-o-n-d...' "

Me: Well, what does it mean?
Dictionary Dame: Well, I'm not exactly sure about that either, but I think I can use it in a sentence.
Me: Ok, go for it.
DD: There will be musicians performing all jandra's of music at the show.
[confirmed what I suspected]
Me: I think the word you are looking for is actually "genre" and is spelled g-e-n-r-e.
DD: Wow! I was way off! I would have never guessed that!
Me: Well, it's probably French
DD: You just answered my next question. [then refering back to her dictionary] Yes, you're right it is French! You're so smart!
Me: Well, not really, but I'm glad I could help.

This all occurred while The Conspiracy Theorist was waiting for my attention. When I turned back to him he had another unusual question.

CT: I want to find out about a noob stick in Istanbul.
Me: A what?
CT: You know, one of those straight things with the point on top. Here, I'll draw you a picture.
[drew a picture, but with no scale and very few details it could have been any pointy thing. I thought it might be an obelisk, but that didn't sound like what he was asking for.
Me: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
CT: Just look on a map and it will say where they are.
Me: A map of what? It won't help for me to look on a map if I don't know what I'm looking for.
CT: You know. A noob stick... Like Cleopatra's needle.
[OK. Finally some words I can understand.] I google "cleopatra's needle" and click on this link thinking maybe it would be an historical website. It wasn't, but it had a picture of the object he was looking for -- turns out it was an obelisk after all -- so the mystery was solved.

I don't know if I explained this before but the Conspiracy Theorist has a severe speach impediment and seems to have Down's Syndrome or something as well. Unlike most other DS individuals I have encountered, he does not have the typical sunny personality. He is most usually angry and mean.

I also got to spend some quality time with The Doomsday Evangelist. He commanded me to "go to CNN" on the internet because he had just been watching TV and they said the government was closing down because they ran out of money and he wanted me to print out the story for him. I dutifully went to CNN.com because I know from experience that he will not be satisfied until he has a piece of paper in his hands. Even then, he is usually not convinced that you gave him what he asked for and will immediately ask you again what it says.
"It says what I just told you."
"Read it."
"Tornados in Kansas kill 3."
"What that say?"
"I just read it to you!"
"in Kansas?"
"3 people die?"
"yes. Now you can come back in an hour for your next question, ok?"

So anyway, I tried futilely to figure out what story could possibly have given him the impression that the government was closing for lack of funds. Then The Conspiracy Theorist returned. He greeted the Doomsday Evangelist and asked him if he was giving the ladies a hard time. "Not too much." CT said, "Good. You better be nice to her. I like her."

I have arrived.

CT and DE started talking and I finally deduced that the government calamity he had heard about was actually nothing more than some facility (or more probably, an unused building) in Sacramento is going to be taken out of commission or something. THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!


A nice couple was having trouble inserting their floppy into the drive and asked me for assistance. Upon examining the drive I discovered that there was another floppy stuck inside. The reason it was stuck? Some genius had also inserted their copy card (like a little credit card) into the drive along with the floppy. Was it an accident or did they really think that was the way to pay for copies?

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