Several good stories today.

Man: I want to look up a telephone directory. Which one do I use?
Me: You can use any of the computers.
Him: [pointing to the computer he had already logged on to] so...Excel...or??
Me: Oh. no, Internet.
Him: I'm not too bright.

And story number two:

A young boy came in and his mother asked me if I could help him use the computer. He logged on and painstakingly read the whole Usage Agreement (or else just looked at it for a really long time). Then I tried to help him get on the internet but that wasn't what he wanted. He said he wanted to print his picture.

So, do you need to use Word?


I showed him how to access Word and then he clicked on "open" and "my pictures". Of course it wouldn't do anything--it's a public computer. I asked him where the picture was. He said it was at home.

I'm not sure if he was retarded or what. I just had to walk away.

Story number three:

We have this regular customer who farts out loud all the time. Usually everyone around him just tries to ignore what's happening, but today I had enough. (Plus, I have a theory that it is sort of an exhibitionist thing with him because it quite often happens around young hot girls.) So today after he farted several times while I was standing nearby (wait, that sounds like I think I'm a young, hot girl...not what I meant), I went up to him and quietly and politely said that it is against library policy to pass gas out loud in the library.

He said he wasn't farting but making noises with his mouth, so I just shrugged and walked away. After he finished using the computer he went & complained about me to the reference librarian who told him that we have to monitor behavior that is disturbing others, etc. Incidentally, he didn't tell her he was making noises with his mouth. He told her that he lets out little farts when he is nervous, and what is he supposed to do? Hold them in?

He is also always researching things about death and human decomposition. Sometimes he asks for help in looking up stuff like that. Very, very creepy. I would not be surprised if one day we will see pictures on tv of police digging in his back yard.

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